I'll change the litterbox, honey

Researchers in Australia discovered that a kind of toxoplasmosis has mind altering properties which enhance a woman's sex drive, while, decreasing both the drive and the IQ for men. The CDC also has research that indicates this bacteria may also be a causitive factor in schizophrenia. Very very interesting what the mitchlorians can do!

Oh, I only wish I were clever enough to make this stuff up. I stole the link from Mahala's daughter - who found it first, clever girl.

Money in your pocket

At the beginning of November, I started a project to try to get our electric bills down - especially since during the height of summer-AC season, the bill was a whopping $350.

So I took the light bulb challenge - and changed out every bulb in the house ( except the ones in appliances) to the energy star reduced energyconsumption versions. It cost me about $40 to buy all new bulbs - and I changed out over 20 - in all the bathrooms, bedrooms, and light fixtures.

Then I unplugged the extra fridge in the garage and added a bit of weatherstripping around the back door.

End result, my electric bill is $80 less than last month, and $125 less than last year. That's about a week's worth of groceries for us - but I'll be happy to spend that money on something else.....okay, probably on a goat.

Ditto?

Today the US government decided that food from cloned animals is safe to eat. While I don't doubt that cloning can produce genetically identical offspring, it just makes me uncomfortable t0 think that there are so many chemicals already allowed in our food supply - and now both my vegetables and my beef can be genetically altered. Just seems like playing God a bit to often for me. So much of what I see at work is nutrition related. Don't get me wrong, the body is masterfully designed to have a number of back up mechanisms, so that if one thing is lacking, there is another to help us survive. But I see the effects of poor nutrition in all the inflammatory illnesses - fibromyalgia, diabetes, lupus, arthritis, hypertension, and the list goes on.

Most of what our immune system needs to fight disease and repair the body comes from the produce section - vitamins and minerals and antioxidants we don't even have names for yet. I believe in vitamins ( I hate salmon, so I take fish oil) But the quality of produce is declining - and repeatedly when I harvest my own, or buy locally grown fresh picked produce, the color and the flavor are just incomperable to what I find in the store - since the store stuff may have been in a truck for a week or so before it gets to the store. The same is true of those eggs from my hens - and the meat we've bought from local farms. There is just no comparison.

So for the New Year, I want to ramp up my efforts to make our place sustainable - so that I know where the food on my table comes from - and so that I don't have to worry about all the weirdness that comes from the grocery stores. Now if I could only get past this fixation that meat comes under cellophane, and not from the fields behind my house...

Caffeine

Why oh why do I love you so much - and more importantly - why does my brain feel all fuzzy until I have had you first thing in the morning! I feel almost adulterous in my love for you....

PS I'd be willing to bet that if the ridiculous rooster stopped crowing at 4am I wouldnt' feel so foggy.

Holy Shitake Mushrooms

Well, was Santa good to you all? He was good to me! I took the crew up to scenic northern Indiana to visit with my folks for Christmas - and in the process, got to talk to YoJ, my buddy Lora and actually had dinner with Alison. It was a long and emotional trip - but overall, it was a great Christmas - and we came home with Nameless Cake, that pistachio salad stuff, and a bit of ham. Not too shabby. My folks came through with an Indiana University shirt ( which I haven't had since I was a student many moons ago) and a Colts headband. We watched the defense choke once again on Sunday poor Peyton.

I had asked Santa (in the form of Justin) for a mushroom growing kit - he got me two. First, the Shitake mushrooms - I think because I use that phrase a lot - as in: shit...take mushrooms that hurt! It was only 30 this morning, so I have to wait to plant them outside, but I think I will work on getting them started inside. The other mushrooms are morels - which I loved picking wild in Indiana - and those puppies are headed out to a spot in my woods. The kit is enough for an 8 foot patch - I can hardly wait. Morels sauteed in a little butter - whew - heaven on a plate.

In other news, I got a great surprise which included soap that smelled like Texas Wildflowers - adn looked like cream and bluebells swirled together. There was also an oatmeal soap, that I didn't get to yet and bath salts as well as a ginger tea cream with corn starch - which I LOVED. There is nothing better than corn starch to keep the skin soft - and keep you feeling refreshed when it is hot out. If you haven't had a chance to try the soaps and lotions that Spit makes, click over to her link and check them out. All the stuff I love, none of the artificial junk that I hate.

We came home on Christmas Day, late, but happy to be back home. Yesterday we spent the morning hanging lights and moving cedar furniture out to the new back porch. ( and no, YoJ, I didn't christen it yet - it was only 30 degrees!) It was great, though, to just pop out the door and check the yard one last time - and again to see what Koda was barking at - all we had to do was walk out the door - SOOOOO much easier.

I hope this holiday found you surrounded by those you love. I'm back to the grindstone - but will post some pictures when I get a minute!

This December

First and formost - congratulations to Karla - and baby Nate, born 12-22-06. You can click over to see her story, but in this season when so much of my focus has been on letting someone go, it is wonderful to have a moment to welcome a new someone into the world.

The visit to see my folks has been tough this time. There have been harsh words, and I find myself ending my evenings with just enough vodka that it doesn't hurt. The tears are so close to the surface these days - and it isn't just my dad. It is hard to watch my folks, in what should be the autumn of their lives together, struggle to make sense of each new symptom, wondering if each new turn will mean the end. though they have handled it with outstanding grace adn poise, I have been around them long enough to notice those nuances that an outsider would miss. It is hard to watch two people who have found the love of their lives say goodbye.

There is Jake's struggle with medications and finding friends at school, Bear's struggle to love and allow herself to be loved while becoming an adult and starting to take on adult responsibilities, Josh's strugle with identity, and finding a balance between independence and disrespect, and the phase Justin and I are in. Things have always been a bit syncopated, where I am at one place and he is not exactly in the same place. But now, with all the balls I feel like I am balancing, there are more days that I feel alone, despite his very clear committment to stand with me. It is a difficult time.

I don't mean to be such a whiny butt at Christmas time, but there are times when despite all the sparkling lights and tinsel, that internally, things are not bright. Each new day brings hope - and brings all these things closer to resolution, but for tonight, I am off for another drink so that I can sleep a dreamless sleep, and make it through the night.

to my friend

The first Christmas after my divorce was final, was really difficult. Not that the divorce was the wrong thing, it absolutely was the right thing. But knowing I had loved and lost, well that was painful. Wondering where in the world I was going to get enough money to take care of Bear and I without borrowing - that was difficult. So I did what any good mom does - I did without. Who needs frills when you have peanut butter and milk to feast on?

We have families, we have friends, but I thought sending you something in that smiley package from Amazon might be just what you needed to brighten your days - as your words so often brighten mine.

Merry Christmas, my friend.

All I want for Christmas

Well of course I'd like peace on earth, restored health for my Dad and a job for my husband and daughter - but other than that, this is what I want ( the workers are framing the deck that will come off our bedroom through those French doors that right now open into nothing, and overlook the acre and a half of woods that makes up our little farm.

Thanks honey.

Its beginning to feel like Christmas

Friday night one of the girls I work with invited the group over for a Christmas party. It is no secret that I missed the Martha Stewart Gene - but my friend, she has it in spades. The appetizers were beautiful - and included marinated cold shrimp with thyme and bell peppers. We had apple martinis - with a little marachino cherry at the bottom so that it looked like a Christmas tree. Finally, after that, I was starting to feel the Christmas spirit.

Don't get me wrong, my presents are purchased and the lights are up - I just wasn't feeling it yet.

Saturday, I taught class during the day and then we went to my friend Mary's house. They have a dinner club at our church where couples get together and trade who cooks for dinner. Since it was the Christmas party - there were about 20 couples and the place was packed. As usual, we were the first ones there and nearly the last to leave. Nothing better than finally getting to know some of the folks in your church - especially after a few cocktails and without kids. It was a blast. One of the ladies there invited me to the ladies version of the Knights of Columbus - she is having the next meeting at her house and I am going to meet even more folks in January. I have a picture of Mary's Christmas tree - it is a fake one now, because the real ones were so tall that they kept falling down. This thing is easily 10 feet tall.

Sunday was spent finishing up all the things I didn't do on Saturday - like cleaning the toilets and trying to get the house picked up. I made some progress - but by midday - I was pooped, so some things didn't get done.

Monday the construction guys were supposed to get started on our deck - no guys, no lumber, it didn't look good. But they say they can build a deck whether we are home or not - so if I can't be home, then I just can't be.

I decided to work on the fence during the remaining daylight hours - and we moved a big section. The neighbor kids came over and helped unfasten the old fence posts - Justin had put in posts along the top perimeter of what will be the yard - so we put the fence up the ridge and tied it off. I am so anxious for our critters to have the remaining acreage to graze on - and I am hopeful that we can have the porch built and the fence up by teh end of January. It'll be great to be able to walk through our woods and go somewhere quiet. Even better will be the advantage of the goats getting better nutrition from browsing the woods, as opposed to just getting feed each morning.

Wow

Well, I took pictures of the cake, or what remained of it after the party. There are only three small slices left after the kids had it for breakfast.

I got a call from a recruiter yesterday about a job that would allow me to work from home - and I am tempted, though I dont' know how it will pan out. More to come later about that one.

Then I was talking to a girlfriend last night and we decided to go have a drink- or three - at the local pub - on a school night - without husbands or kids. Talk about some liberation, it felt great. And when Justin joined me later, that was great as well.

This weekend is chock full of things to do - I have more to do than hours in the day, but the anemia is making me so freaking sleepy, that I am actually forced to slow down. Personally, I think it is divine intervention - but whatever doesn't get done, well, just won't get done. And the world won't stop spinning just because I missed something.

Grandma Loner's Nameless Cake

We are having an office party of sorts today and we are all supposed to bring something - so I made nameless cake - without the walnuts because I have a co-worker who is allergic.

My dad gets nameless cake every year for his birthday, and there were a lot of years where I got one too. They are heavy, laden with walnuts and spices. They are the stuff of stories, including how my Grandma entered a contest with this cake, which is the roundabout way it got it's name - and how one year Tippy, our dog, licked all the icing off one side, and my mom and I just spread what was left over the cake, because when you make icing from scratch, it isn't a quick repair.

Nameless cake has become a family tradition, though we have taken the easy way on occasion and doctored a box mix to come up with a close resemblance. It is a chocolate cake - but also has hints of buttermilk, cinnamon and allspice. The frosting...mmmmmmmm..... the frosting - has butter, cinnamon, cocoa and a wee bit of coffee just for zing. There are about a gazillion calories in this cake, but this is the one time of year that it is worth it. When we cut it this afternoon, I'll take a picture so you can see it. But in the meantime, I am going to try to stop thinking about cake and do my work.

Hope

Somewhere, in the book of cosmic balance, it is written that occasionally faint prospects come through, lost causes carry the day, and longshots pay off. That's the place where hope is born.

Quote taken from this story.

My coworkers asked me today, how I can carry all that is going on: teenagers, Jake struggling through 6th grade, my dad being sick, my husband looking for a job and my own health issues. The truth is - I have been given the strength I pray for each day. Don't be impressed, it isn't me at all. It is a divine gift called hope.

Wise Men Still Seek Him

We spent $30 last night to go see The Nativity Story. Of course we did, because we sure would have justified dropping that to go see the new Harry Potter movie. I wanted to make sure that Hollywood gets the message - more stories with a moral, less blood and senseless killing, please. I want to be able to take my kids to see a movie and not have to cover thier eyes as someone is brutally and senselessly murdered - or when there are boobies on the screen. We paid full price to see Happy Feet, too - worth every penny.
It was beautifully done, the scenery, the humanity, and the three wise men, who provided both comic relief, and a portal into how it would feel to see the culmination of a prophecy. Joseph was likeable. I was troubled that Mary didn't seem happier, but as I was thinking about it this morning, it was a pretty big burden for her. She knew the prophecies of the Suffering servant, and the role that the Messiah was to play, and knowing the enormous responsibility of raising him rested on her shoulders - well, that was probably enough to make her a little somber. The story didn't totally jive with what I have been taught about Mary's life, but it was pretty darn close.
This was a great Christmas movie, and the directors saw fit to have rifs from traditional Christmas carols woven throughout the theme music. We enjoyed it - even Jake - who didn't want to see another movie about Jesus - said he wanted to know what happened afterwards.

As an aside, we had a conversation about how I "know" that Jesus was really God. You see, now that the kids are older, and are surrounded by people who aren't lifelong Catholics, they have questions about why we believe what we believe. It is reasonable - and frankly, I'd rather they thought about things and decided for themselves, rather than to just follow everything I say. And it occurred to me that just in case we couldn't put it together ourselves, there were signs - seen by lots of people- the star in the sky, the multitude of angels, the willingness of Herod to slaughter hundreds of babies to prevent the life of the Messiah - and then later, the tearing of the temple curtain and the earthquake at His death and resurection. I don't know if any of those outward signs accompanied any other great teachers like Buddah or the Dahli Lama, but I know most of them can be accounted for in historical documents in addition to the account in the Scriptures. The truth is, I really don't "know" at all. I have not seen, but I choose to believe, and the facts that I can research co-incide with what I believe.

peep peep

Ideal Poultry had a Winter Special - assorted breed chicks for about a buck a piece. Yep, they came in this morning, peeping at the Post Office. Inside the box is an array of colors, red and white and black and speckles - it is exciting because I don't know what breed they are! Pictures to be posted later.

Teddy Roosevelt - On Being an American

I didn't know Teddy Roosevelt - and I certainly never got to hear him speak in person, but I have always liked the character of him. He was responsible for pushing more and more land into our National Park program - and he loved the Land, just like me. My mom forwarded this to me this morning - and since yesterday was Pearl Harbor Day - a day to remember those souls who lost their lives in a sneak attack - it seemed appropriate to me.

I stay away from politics, mostly. I have spent nearly my entire career caring for people who were marginalized - and poor - and I have seen what people go through just to get here. I am Catholic - and I support the decision of the Church to actively pursue an amicable solution to the current immigration crisis. However, I also know stories of how my great grandmother helped the older German ladies learn how to speak English and how she would read their letters - I know that my family of Irish immigrants learned English and worked hard until finally there was a generation when all 8 kids went to college. People were bilingual - and that was fine, but if you went to the bank, you needed to speak English. I don't mind if you speak Bosnian or Spanish or whatever at home, but the burden on health providers and business owners to speak a second or third language to do business is silly.


"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

It's not Easy, Being Green

I was going to post something profound after seeing the Break up with Jennifer Aniston, but today, my heart is heavy and I just can't . You see, my son is really struggling. Jake was born with part of his brain tissue relocated in his sinuses. At the time we discovered this, he was three and barely spoke in more than two sentences at a time. His "wiring" was off, even after the surgery, but he has caught up at an impressive rate, going from being 3 years being to now just a couple of months behind the other kids. His official diagnosis is ADD, but that doesn't adequately describe the odd thought processes he has. His school is hell bent on mainstreaming him - and he is the weird kid. He comes home and tells me that no one wants to sit with him - that no one wants to be his science partner - and I feel the pain even though he says "oh well". I am seriously toying with the idea of putting him in the Special Ed class, even though he is higher functioning than most of the other kids - but at least they might be kind.

It just breaks my heart, because he is emotionally like so many Down's Syndrome kids - who just love everyone and can't understand when people choose to be cruel to them - it breaks his heart - and therefore weighs heavy upon mine. I am not sure how he does it - continuing to go face hostile fire so many days of the week - but I know that God has taught us a lot about miracles and endurance through him.

We are adjusting medicine - for what seems like the hundredth time. He doesn't mean to talk incessantly for twenty minutes - or to dance and sing and spill his drink as he walks through the house - but the cumulative effect of hour upon hour of his antics start to wear on my patience - and when I look at him - he apologizes - and I know it isn't something he does on purpose. He has virtually no impulse control, he says bizarre things totally unrelated to what others are talking about - and he is painfully unsure of himself. I watch him with his neighborhood friends - in the world of our farm, and he seems to do so well - but at school, not so much.

I wonder how to let it seep into his heart that middle school and high school are such a minimal part of who we eventually become -That grades in school do not determine the quality of the man he will become - that someone will see his tender heart and sweet disposition and fall madly in love with him - that he will be a great father and good provider because he has so much love for folks and always looks for the best in them. I just wish there was a pill I could give him so that the days did not seem so long - and that he knew he could hold on long enough to make it through this.

A note about Women over 40

I have to say, that since turning 40 this year, I have felt oddly liberated - I am old enough to be someone's mother - I don't worry as much about what other people think - and I have become much more selective in who I choose to call my friend, having discovered that it is an earned title. My girl Lora forwarded this today - crediting it to Andy Rooney. Not sure if he said it or not, but I thought I would share!

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage! Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!