how did the day of rest go...

Early in the morning we headed out to Mr Day's farm and picked up the little doe. We bought her with the reward money from the other pair of does we found a month or so back. She is a beauty, and we shoudl have pics up in the Scene site in a bit. We are thinking of naming her Tope, after Justin's grandpa who passed away. Yea, it is a little ornery, but I think he would have appreciated it.

Then, we all just went our own directions - Jacob battled the Empire on Playstation, Josh worked on his Xanga and IM'd, and Justin and I decided to finish up the goat shed and rewire the duck pen. While this sounds on the surface like work, spending hours outside in the pens, with the sunshine and the goats and ducks and the birds in the trees - including a very vocal hawk - was just the relaxation I needed.

We spent nearly 9 hours together - and stopped long enough to grab some Pringles and Diet Dr Pepper ( lunch substitute) and then get back to it.

Mass was enjoyable - but we may have to help the singing group - they butchered the rhythm of a Rich Mullins song and that seriously gets on my nerves.

Then, we took the kids out to Golden Corral - we laughed and talked about movies and school and just stuff - it was very relaxing.

So maybe this plan works - maybe having dinged up hands and a rested soul is just what I need.

Day of Rest

Awhile back, Father Patty (preserve those figs with Brandy) had an excellent sermon about honoring the Sabbath day. Now before those of you who are not Catholic tune out, I wanted to share the finer points of his sermon.

In our rush to accomplish more, we have forgotten how to relax. I know that for me personally , this is a problem. I try to squeeze in just one more project - and often that means working through Saturday and Sunday - then back to work again on Monday. I run myself ragged, then I amgenuinely surprised when I get sick - or I feel so exhauseted that I sleep fretfully, thinking of all the things I haven't gotten done yet. Sitting for three hours to watch a movie is about all the relaxing I do during the week - and frankly, working on two houses and being the mom and working a full time jobreally take it out of me. Oddly enough, when you are happy about what you are doing, it is SO much easier to just keep at it, even when you know you should rest. We have entire classes on relaxation and stress reduction. I wonder if I took that day of rest like I was supposed to, if the sterss-related symptoms would disappear. Well of course they would.

Taking a day of rest is both for our own personal health - and a way to glorify God. Think about it, if you really trust that all things are done in His time, is it really going to make a difference if you work that seventh day each week? It is so easy to come up with a valid reason to work - maybe because it is so counter-intuitive, resting has even more value. It is an outward sign of trust in His Providence.

We are missing it. The whole reason we work is to be able to spend our time away from working doing what we love - and being with people we love. When we spend all day Sunday working we miss the opportunity to spend a liesurely lunch with the kids, talking about life. We stay so spread out - each member of a family headed in his or her own direction.

Whether you believe in God or not, this idea just seems to make sense. Work, then allow yourself a chance to rejuvenate.

I have a list fo things that still need to be done - everyone worked hard today, and because I am trying to be better about allowing myself to relax, Sunday this week will be restful - and the projects will just have to wait.

north country

Gonna be a busy day today, and I don't have much time to post. We watched North Country with Charlize Theron last night and I wanted to encourage you to see it, if you haven't seen it already. This film took place in 1989 - not so long ago, up in Michigan according to their website. It was well written , and well acted. I even enjoyed Woody Harrelson for a change. There is some foul language - and it is a movie about sexual harrassment, thus the R rating, so be forewarned. But it was really enjoyable and the story line just reeled me in - making me stay up way later than I had planned.

Hope your Friday is grand!

Windfall

Well, I have spent the last month wondering how we were going to make two house payments on top of all our regular bill this month. I have been pryaing for peace - but praying even harder that I do not become a royal pain in the ass from worrying - which I have a tendency to do.

Yesterday, Justin called me with great news, we overpaid our escrow, they sent us a check - it will pay the second mortgage for two months. Woopee!!!

Well that inspired me to do our taxes to see if all those little deductions would get us a bit of cash back. I found out they dont' let you deduct goats - since they don't have a social security number - but the kids were sure deductable! And we are getting a nice tax refund - enough that we will have a bit of a pad and I can replace my savings. We are going to use a bit of the refund for the kitchen - the counters and backsplash are in dire need of replacement - and since I don't like to use credit if I can avoid it, I'll be able to do it!

Do I believe prayer works? Over and over again I go before my Father and I am taken care of - money comes from unexpected places, bills are paid, wonderful people are placed in my path, someone says just what I needed to hear. This morning I am thankful - and my cup overflows.

Troubling

It has never made sense to me how people can have such a lack of regard for other people. Justin posted this yesterday, but I think it might have gotten lost in his other posts. THIS LINK is a list of all the attacks last year attributed to Islamic followers who are trying to make a point - and it seems to me that the point is the rest of us are not welcome on their planet. It is just very troubling and sad that people treat each other this way.

It's about flipping time

Well, hello! I didn't mean to ignore you all for this long. Actually, I had a post yesterday, but I took it down. Sometimes things need to be vented - and then deleted.

This is the picture I tried to use to test out Ian's face look alike, The computer sayd I look like Colin Ferrell - whatever - I don't see the resemblance at all - I don't have a five o'clock shadow.

Anyway - I have had two fantabulous weeekend in a row - and well, work has been making me actually work - the nerve of those folks - so I haven't finished either post about my weekends.

So First - two weekends ago my mom called me from about 6 hours away - dad is feeling good - so they swung by to visit. It was great. In true loner forms - we went to a local place that is a lot like chuch E Cheese for grown ups. We played shooting games and Skee Ball until we were all exhausted. It was a great visit. I miss not being able to get together with themn whenever I want to - and this was a real treat. They only spent the night - then headed back home, missing all that snow by just a few hours.

Then last weekend we went to look at a college in North Georgia. It was COLD and RAINING - and I could have lived without all the walking in the rain - but the college itself was really promising. It is weird being Catholic in the bible belt. I kept lookign around thinking this was really similar to Cathedral where I went to high school .

Anyway - the highlight ( no Bear, it was not the farm stores) was getting ot meet the Wash Lady! Okay, for any of you who also read her blog, she is WAY cuter in person. Made me wish we lived a bit closer. I loved her house - also much nicer in person - and to top it all off, she didn't even flinch when I arrived with husband and three kids in tow to come visit - even though she was hosting a dinner party later in the day - pretty impressive gal - but if you read her, you already know that. Nothing like meeting someone you already like in this forum - only to find you like them even better in "real life".

One item of note - every year for as long as I can remember, TSC has carried baby chicks and ducklings in the spring. This year, they are not carrying them - due to bird flu. My specialty before I came in to diabetes was epidemiology - having a degree in Public Health. It astounds me that we are willing to slaughter thousands of birds because they might carry an illness that has killed less than 20 people worldwide. If we did that to kill deer who carried Lyme disease, or Racoons and bats that carried rabies - it would be inhumane treatment. I am not sure where all this is headed, but I think it is unfortunate that people who make decisions sdon't get their facts straight before they run off and take action. ( Okay, that is as political as I get)

uphill

Did you ever do something to help someone else because you were forced into it? I am having a really tough time being gracious because I am doing this out of necessity - not because I want to do it. I have always believed that to help someone is to do an act of service, and those actions are the hand of God at work. But all the hours and sore muscles are because someone else dropped the ball. Not because they were physically unable to do something - but because over and over again the choice was made to do something else.

I don't mind helping - I don't even mind hard work. I do mind working my ass off and giving up my weekends - with the expectation that I am helping - only to find that I am doing the majority of the work.

It sucks - it pisses me off and honestly, I have blown any chance of all this service going to the Glory of God because I am so freaking angry about having to do it in the first place.

So there.

Dear Nocturnal Bandits

Dear Racoons -
I understand that the 17 acres you used to frollick in were trashed and bulldozed by those folks building town homes - but is it a necessity to climb the trees just outside my fence every night at 2am? This activity triggers the chain events of at least one dog barking - who in turn wakes the other two who are loose to come and see what is in the trees. These three dogs, then wake the other two on the far side of the yard who bark in sympathy - or perhaps because you are twenty feet in the air in that tree, they can see you as well. Their job is to protect the animals in our yard - and these Aussie girls take it pretty seriously.

I was hoping that the million-candle strength spotlight would be enough to let you know you were caught and should shuffle off to another location, but apparently that wasn't enough. We didn't mean anything by using the BBgun to get your attention - it was an encouragement (and seriously, the vision of a half naked husband standing at the doors shooting trees with a BB gun at 2am - well, I'll still be chuckling about that when I am 90).

Raccoons are supposed to be smart - stop climbing trees in a yard full of dogs. Feel free to check out food items in our creek, there are plenty of crawdads and little fish - but stop waking me up with your predawn tree climbing.

the job thing

Well, Bear got a job
And I didn't get a new one - or at least not yet
and Justin is still pounding the pavement

Since Bear has been looking the longest - I guess it's only fair.

I know where I get it....

Last week I got a call from my mom - Dad was feeling pretty good, even several weeks post radioactive chemo - so they decided to drive to Myrtly Beach in South Carolina to see some friends. The game plan was that they would stop through on their way home - even though is isn't exactly on the way home.

So Friday, the day of the "big interview" which we will talk about later, Mom and Dad came by for a visit. In an effort to not stress out over house cleaning - we put them up in our room - which tends to be more clean than any other spot in the house because teh adults have clean up duty in there.

Anyway - we had a BLAST. Bear brought her boyfriend and we all went to Dave adn Busters for dinner. If you don't have one of these - it is a lot like Jillians or Chuck E Cheese for adults. We ate good food - including some really great shrimp - and then it was off to the games.

Mom and I sat while Justin, dad and the kids went off to clear the money off their cards. Jake, per usual, used up his whole card in about 10 minutes, after continually reswiping the card, instead of following that, wait one moment prompt on the screen.

On being Catholic.... and Mary

I had a friend ask me about why Catholics worship Mary - and I wanted to write a post explaining about Mary in the Church.

Have you ever gone through a difficult time and asked your friends for prayer support? It was not that you didn't think God would hear you, but the more people praying for the same request, the better the chances of having it granted. Seems natural to talk to those around you and ask that their prayers join in communion with yours to reach our Father.

What is commonly misunderstood is that Catholics (at least those who know what they believe) do not pray to Mary as though she is a god, any more than we see the saints as gods. Mary was very much a woman, and through the Bible and the traditional stories which make up our understanding of her, she leaves us with a human life to be emulated. Mary and the blessed saints are those who have earned a place in front of His throne, they have proved their worth, something I have yet to do. So when I have a problem, I will pray to God and ask Mary to join me in prayer through her intercession. Because she is not standing here, the methodology is similar to prayer, but not the same as thinking she is God. Other people intercede through other saints - like St. Francis if you are an animal lover, or St Jude, the patron of lost causes. The saints give us a standard to work toward, some image to strive for. In the Church, a part of a person's canonization includes a history of someone who has asked for their intercession ( hey, you are standing at God's feet, could you ask Him to do this for me?) and received a miracle. A person must have three miracles attributed to him or her and withstand an investigation before they are declared a saint.

As far as worshiping Mary in church, there are times when the service is in her honor, though it is clearly the Mass which honors her Son. We also have services where we sing the national anthem, like Memorial Day and the Fourth of July and it isn't because we think George Washington is a god either. Think of the celebrations we have for Martin Luthor King day - or President's day: we know those people aren't gods, but their sacrifices and their memories are honored by holidays. This is the same in the church, only Mary is a religious figure instead of a political one.

Mary has a unique position, in the Catholic belief system. She was one of the leaders in the early church. There are many instances where she has appeared since then, through the grace of God. Often it is to deliver messages of hope - but sometimes it is to remind us that our souls were paid for with a dear price - and that our behavior should reflect that. A few famous appearances include Fatima, Lourdes and Medjugoria. I remember being young and thinking that appearances of the Holy Mother were a bit unbelievable - then as I have grown older it makes sense. She is our sister in Christ, she loved her Son and saw first-hand the sacrifice He made. It only makes sense that if she thought we were off track, and God would allow her to give us a bit of direction, she would do so. Any good mother or good friend would do the same.

Truth is, much of what we believe is faith and tradition. If I learned anything from 12 years of Catholic school, it was that the early church, which was all Catholic in the beginning, based much of what we do and believe on traditions that were handed down as well as Bible documents. The Jewish faith is similar, much of what we know is faith and tradition as well. The passover story is in the Bible, but the very ceremonial Passover dinner that Christ celebrated is not outlined anywhere in the scriptures. Lots of people argue that there are things Catholics believe that are not in the bible, and it is true. There is mention of Father, Son and Holy Spirit - but there is not a place where is says that they are all three a part of a triune God. When we start looking for conspiracies, there is no shortage: books that were banned, or were not added to the Bible, heretics, inquisitions - lots of seedy things. The Church - any church - is imperfect because it is handled by people who are imperfect. That is why it is called faith - because you have to see it with your heart and with your mind.

20 reasons I'm happy to be a newlywed on Valentine's Day

1 He has a J name, just like the rest of the family
2 He loves me in spite of my colorful past
3 He has a good sense of humor and giggles at the dinner table
4 He sits with Jake every evening to get homework done
5 He worries about what time Bear is coming home
6 He takes the kids to Mass even when I don't go
7 He buys me presents that fit my personality - like a tiller
8 He sings in the bathroom - well
9 He has more gray hair than I do
10 He is addicted to having animals, just like me
11 He isn't afraid of hard work
12 He understands Josh's converstations about movies and directors and stuff
13 He likes football almost as much as I do
14 He makes the bed - without being asked
15 He loves me back - even when I am a royal pain in the ass.
16 He kisses that spot on my neck
17 He asks questions about things that are important to me - like faith
18 He lets me talk endlessly about fruit trees, and Mother Earth News and the yard
19 He held my hair back - more than once - without complaining
20 He married me and loves all of us, because we are his now.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today it was such a full moon

Last week was stressful - good stressors, but interuption of sleep stressors.

Anyway, Sunday being the day of rest, I got up and fed the critters with justin and headed to the store. For some reason h)me d3pot did not have the fan switch I wanted - so that was a bust, then W4lm4rt didnt' have any decent meat for less than $2.99 a pound - so I ended up with good Valentines treats, but no dinner items. I decide to hit Kroger after breakfast and a bit of rest. Just then the hubby calls, he is making strawberry pancakes with my leftover strawberries and he needs sausages. Can you have pancakes wihtout sausage? I don't think so.

So off to Kroger I go. I find lots of meat on sale, I load my cart and go through the self check out. The hamburger doesn't ring up right. The guy GIVES IT TO ME FOR FREE. It is their policy that if the tag and the scanner dont' match, you get it for free. Thank you Kroger for $10 of hamburger.

On the way home, I called Justin to tell him my good fortune. Just as I hung up, a maroon bowling ball came out of an open garage and down the driveway in the middle of the upcoming turn. I slowed down and somehow missed it. How weird is that - a stray bowling ball.

I ended up having a lovely breakfast of sausages and pancakes - then we crashed - like deep sleep in five minutes - and we slept for about three hours. That my friends, is why it was designated a day of rest. Because more often than not, you actually need a rest!

Oh the Places you'll Go...

Thank you for your kind thoughts and words - when there are people holding you up it is amazing how strong you can feel.

I think things went well today, I liked the doctor, liked the nurses and dieticians, liked the nurse practitioner a lot. There was never a time when it actually felt like an inteview - almost more like a date - we asked a lot of questions, gave some suggestions, tried out some scenarios -and end the end went to grab lunch. I love the office with the ruby and gold designs on the upholstery and the sloping evergreens right out the window - I could get some things done in that room.

I started off my day the right way - with an Egg McMuffin, diet Coke and a minute in the chapel complete with holy water and a big bronze cross, just to keep my head straight. Saint Joseph stood overlooking the screens with CNN and the hospital advertisements and portraits of angels five feet high graced the walls behind cherry red overstuffed chairs as I waited for the office lady to open her door.

I feel like I am cheating a little - I love my job, love the folks I work with, so interviewing felt like going behind their backs. And yet, not taking an opportunity is a little like cheating myself.

Martin Luther King said : Not everyone can be famous, but everyone can be great. Greatness comes from serving others. He is right. We are not called to do great deeds, but small deeds with great love. Being a boss is an opportunity to serve others, to be the hands and feet of God in a very practical sense, so perhaps that is where things are headed for me.

Perhaps this will be my new path - perhaps I will stay on the same one - but by Wednesday I will know which direction things are going. And so the waiting begins.

Definition

There are moments and events that define where your future will go. Most importantly to me is being in the Place where God wants me to be - even though sometimes it is not where I necessarily want to be. Whenever a choice has been made with that thought in mind, things have turned out WAY better than I could have ever imagined. Maybe it was chance, but I like to believe that my faith is rewarded on occasion.

Tomorrow will contain such a moment, where things might change drastically for my family.

Please keep us in your prayers - and as always, pray that I will have enough sense to hear His voice and do His will when I make my choices.

And now - silence until the whole thing is over tomorrow.

How to be a Single Parent gracefully

I know this is a little off kilter, but in dealing with the ex last week, and trying to get the bad taste out of my mouth, I thought maybe sharing what I learned from other single moms might be helpful and cathartic.

1. Be the person your kids think you are. If in the forefront of your mind, you filter your decisions by the idealistic vision your kids have of you, most choices will be the right ones. My kids knew I would never be the one to cheat on my husband, that I would never steal all the money in the joint checking account, that I would not take things that didn't belong to me and that I would be fair in dividing up the bills and assets. They knew that I would not trash talk about the ex, and since that is the person they think I am, that is the way I behaved.

2. Take the high road. Some people think that during a divorce they are allowed to use the intimate knowledge gained in marriage to "out" their spouse - to tell all the world what a jerk the spouse was. I have always seen this as distasteful and though there are times I have to vent about bad behavior, it is not the same as saying someone is a bad person. Even good people behave badly at times. Find one person that you can vent to in confidence, so that you don't have a chest full of venom that pops loose randomly and inappropriately.

3. Remember that it takes two to tango. Even if your spouse was predominantly at fault (for example, if they committed adultery or just up and left), choices are made by both people and if the marriage is ending, it is an opportunity for you to look at what you could improve on as a person.

4. Consider the source. People say lots of things not based in fact when they are hurt or angry. When insults are hurled, it is good to look for a grain of truth. I was told I am a bad housekeeper - and the truth is, housekeeping is not my strongpoint. Actually, I suck at keeping house. But I am good at providing for my family monetarily and emotionally and making sure we get to church - so I'll just have to work on those other skills - after the kids are all gone and I get my gardening done.

5. Just because someone else is being an ass doesn't mean you get to be. Now when the occasion calls for it, you may have to stand up for yourself, but fighting just because the other person wants to fight is a poor reason. Stay calm and logical and don't get drawn into petty arguments. Choosing your battles is rule number one in single parenting - it is the only way to conserve your energy and retain some sense of self - so only fight a worthwhile fight.

6. Secure your future. Go back to school, finish a degree, accept a promotion, get a job with good insurance, and fill out your will. Working full time while going to nursing school was no picnic, I was way past tired, but looking back, my income has more than doubled since that time - and I can afford to take care of my kids, even when the child support doesn't come in. Don't leave things to chance, when you are the single parent, you have to be self-reliant.

7. Believe in love. If your heart is broken, let it heal slowly. When I couldn't take it anymore I moved my job to provide care for the poorest of the poor. It helped me see my blessings, it helped me see the resilience of the human spirit, and I saw people who genuinely loved each other - confirming my suspicions that love can in fact exist between two adults. if you can't change your job, invest some time volunteering at a shelter, or food pantry, or soup kitchen. That will help keep things in perspective.

simple pleasures

Betty tagged me, so here goes: The Instructions: Name five of life's simple pleasures that you like, then tag five people to do the same. Try to be original and creative.

1. Laughter at the dinner table. My house now is like my house growing up - there is most always laughter. I love that we are able to laugh together and that the conversation turns in all sorts of weird directions.

2. Finding something growing in the yard that I wanted to plant anyway. Azaleas, ferns, angel trumpets, shamrocks, and grape vines last year - and I haven't even fully perused the woods yet.

3. Finishing a project, the fan, the goat pen, the heat duct, whatever, just deciding to fix something and then begin able to fix it and make the house more liveable. This used to be something I couldn't do - but as a result of being the only adult in the house for so long, I had to learn.

4. The moment when the light turns on - especially when I am explaining something to the kids or to one of my patients and all of a sudden they get what I am talking about.

5. In true extrovert fashion - talking. It is one of my favorite things to do - as evidenced by a couple of ugly cell phone bills. My folks and most of my girlfriends live out of state, now, so there is a lot of catching up by phone.

Now I am supposed to tag five people - if you wanna use the template, you know I'll come by to read it!

A Thank You Note

In about a week, I will celebrate Valentine's Day - really celebrate it. Last year I got engaged the day before Valentines, then promptly tripped on the sidewalk right outside the Cheesecake Factory, skinning my knee.

But I was thinking this morning, about Annie Get Your Gun. I was in that play in high school and played Annie, leather fringe jacket, shotgun, the whole nine yards. In my mind zillion times, I have replayed the interchange that happens between Annie and Frank ( played by Mickey McDaniel at my high school) early in the play. Frank: Annie, have you ever been in love? Annie replies: you mean did I ever love someone who loved me back? Well, no then, I've never been in love.

I have always found it ironic, that the lines from a play in high school still fit my life years later. Finally this morning, when I played that through my head, I could say that it doesn't apply anymore.

To my husband, thank you.

You have allowed me to love you without feeling afraid
That is the most remarkable thing
Each day I wake up, and you are there, warm and happy to see me

The kids push every button you have, testing your resolve
Even pushing some you didn't know about
and you don't blame me, but try to help me instead

I get on your nerves, I have bad days
But you stay with me, never threatening to leave
You keep your promise, and don't regret making it.

So for enabling a woman who has had her heart broken by men who promised forever, and then spat venom and regret for years afterward, to love someone who loved her back, I just wanted to say thank you.

Not quite ready for HNT

I stopped by Ian's site and what should I discover, but a picture of Summer. A charming girl who still has her girlish figure and if I didn't like her so much, I'd be openly jealous.

And it made me think...what would I ever post for HNT. ( if you are not famliar with HNT, it has included pictures, many of them artfully done, that people have taken of their own beauty. In that respect, I have enjoyed it. Some pictures are raunchier, and I could live without those)

Bear and I had this discussion and even talked about doing some artsy shots - but I thought my dinged up hands were probably most representative of my life. Currently I am sporting three nicked knuckles, a slice on my hand from the kitten, and poison ivy between the fingers of my right hand. Yep, pretty sexy.

Then it occured to me - I could do a morning HNT. Why just this morning I went out in full streaker regalia to feed the ducks and goats. Black satin night gown, covered by a LL Bean Farm jacket and a pair of duck-poop covered clogs.

and now I have to go hide the digital camera

How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

Well, my advice is trust your gut instinct and don't settle just because everyone around says a bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Not settling is working out pretty dog gone well, actually.

I ran across this article this morning and had to share it. Because of the large number of divorces that have occured in military personnel during hte war, a minister has developed a series of programs for military people to help them discern if marraige is a good idea.

I think this is such a great idea. It takes just hours to get married but weeks to get divorced. I personally think it should be time-consuming on both ends of the spectrum, but that is a couple of ugly divorces talking.

the eyes have it

A good Irish Answer

Quandry

If someone reads your blog, even though you did not invite them to this one, and they are offended by something you said while venting, would you apologize?

I did, apologize, that is.

A vent is just that - a way to vent frustration, to say things in anger until you can get your head together and say something much more constructive in person.

I don't think "poor me" - well, I have days and anyone who says they never have days where they think they are on the wrong end of things is lying.

What I want to say in closing is that if you are going to thump a Bible and claim to be a believer, and schedule your life around three services a week, it would be good to look at that passage or two on forgiveness and loving your neighbor first.

Notes to self

1. You can, infact, have too many eggs. Now that 8 prolific ducks are laying eggs, I realize I am a bit short in the foresight department, and should have had a buyer set up already.

2. If you are going to be stressed out, be away from germy people - and don't work in a hospital - because you will catch some kind of creeping crud that makes coughing your lungs out a real possibility

3. Stay away from the scale when you are stressed, that is not the time to discover you have that PMS-5 pounds back. I'm serious about this one.

4. Buy more popsicles

5. Get rid of your teflon pans - you knew they had to have some chemicals that would cause cancer or make you grow a third arm ( note the news story yesterday) keep the cast iron.

6. Wash puppy Sheila because her low dragging belly brough poison ivy to at least two members of the family.