merry christmas to all - and to all a good night

We had a great Christmas - but owing to the long trip to Indiana and now almost a week's worth of sleepless nights - I will post something more substantial later in the week. I took the week off to get Justin's house ready to put on teh market - so we will be up to our ears in paint until the weekend. Thanks to those of you who left souch good wishes for our Christmas - and said prayers for my dad. Your thoughts and kind words have really meant a lot.


It's dark now, and I need to cook dinner and put the ducks back in their pen. May His Face Shine down upon you!

Intra operative Note

The rooster crows as I leave my office
and the worried voice of my mother
on the other end of the phone says
that the lymph node was elusive in surgery

so the doctor who doesn't operate on necks
will have to push his limit, and find a node there
I can taste the fear it in my mouth
and there is nothing to do but pray

Tears well up in my eyes as I drive
where else would I go when I hurt
so my car veers into His driveway, His house,
where a Christmas Star already hangs in anticipation

The church is quiet, and a policeman drives past
Smiling and catching my eye as he waves
There are no lights, but the scent of pine
Greets me like an old friend as I walk in

To the front seat, wood smooth and warm
The Nativity is there, with the empty manger
But He is right there - looking down from the cross above
And He is my Lord so I ask

I ask for a miracle, I ask for angels
I ask for a blessing and a gift that I do not deserve
And the sacristy light flickers with a breeze I don't feel
The church is silent

I wait, and I pray and I let the tears come
Even on my best day, I still fall short
make mistakes, act like an ass, it happens
And I am sorry, but I am a child in deep need

A chill comes over me, my tears have stopped
I look over at the Nativity, they knew fear
They certainly knew sorrow and loss
The sacristy light burns straight and strong, only for a moment

And I know that He has heard my prayers
And will answer them as the Good Father that He is.

Merry Christmas - especially for Ian

Last week, Ian posted some beautiful pictures of Australia at Christmastime. Since he is my internet crush (it's okay, Justin already knows) - and possibly the crush of a few other girls I know, I wanted to say Merry Christmas properly. I found this on another blog, and had to share it:

Christmas, Aussie Style: http://www.kenduncan.com/echristmas

Merry Christmas, my friend.

Whirlwind Christmas

As I type this it is about 1:45. My dad is in surgery, getting shunts put in his kidneys to help them drain. I talked to him at lunch and he sounded fine. His back pain is gone - and the oncologist says there isn't a good reason why it should be gone. God cut him some slack - and maybe just maybe, we will be blessed with another miracle - we've lived through a couple already.

My dad survived a plane crash and a heart attack and lymphoma already, my mom and dad are still married and in love, I have a huge extended family. Jacob has survived brain surgery, Bear survived two car wrecks in two years, and Josh has survived the Ogre. We escaped intact last year and have found ourselves a bit displaced, but happy. All my kids are healthy, my animals are healthy, I have a husband who loves me and enough money to have all the bills paid before Christmas. I paid cash and there won't be any nasty credit card bills lurking in the January mail. I have some magnificent girlfriends - and have met dozens more through blogging - where I have really learned a lot this year.


Even though we hadn't planned on driving up to Indiana, that is the plan now. We leave before dawn Christmas Day. The local part of our family ( Including you YoJ, right?) are all coming with less than two day's notice over Christmas Eve - I don't think the house is clean enough - but who cares when you have presents!!!

In this country where there are people who don't have running water, or electricity or enough to eat, we are blessed. There were never any garuntees that the road would be easy " In this world you will have trouble, but I will be your Peace that where I am, there you may also be." And regardless of how this Christmas turns out, it is well with my soul.

Say a Little Prayer...

Tony Dungy, the coach of my beloved Colts, received word that his 18 year old son was found dead in his apartment in Tampa this morning. They do not suspect foul play. Take a moment and say a little prayer for this family, and for the man who gives so much to the community. No one deserves to suffer through such a thing at Christmas.

And while you are at it, add one for my dad, his name is Dave, and he is having surgery tomorrow to put in stents in his kidneys so his body is prepared to try to fight off cancer one more time. I can't be there so my prayers will have to do.

Reindeer Ticks

You can consider this my Christmas gift to you.
Merry Christmas and please heed this warning.

Tick Scam: If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on reindeer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around to shake off the ticks so they can count them, do not do it! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. Merry Christmas anyway!

(PS Thanks Sunny for this gem!)

Baby Garnet and I

Okay - two cute baby pictures - here is Steph and Mark's baby Garnet, the star of my visit to Albuquerque. What a beautiful baby!

Finally feeling silent night

As I reflect on last Christmas, we were a family still in transition. All of our Christmas things were in storage in Indiana, and I frankly wasn't sure how much of it we had managed to take with us. We had suffered a lot of losses, and were reeling trying to feel the spirit.

It has been a long year, full of trials and blessings alike. That is the way of things, living and dying, endings and beginnings. I have been having trouble getting into the Christmas spirit, even though I have been shopping for presents for three months now and listening to the Christmas CDs in my car. We finally boought a tree, unceremoniously last week. The tree was covered only in white lights, in a corner in the basement, awaiting children to adorn its branches, but days later they still lay bare.

Last night it was time to get the presents wrapped. I am pleased with the things I bought, and we had a bit of money this year, so we bought some great presents. Justin did the tape and the gift tags, while I wrestled with the paper. Each person gets one color paper so we can find things under the tree - hey there are five of us plus extended family, so the alternative is wading through a zillion things to find your presents.

Then the most amazing thing happened, as we were wrapping, I felt like the Grinch on Mount Crumpet, my heart filled with anticipation and joy at how thrilled the kids would be, about how cool the presents were for Justin and my folks, and the more I wrapped, the better I felt.

We were done at 12:30, I stacked the gifts and started taking them to the basement and the tree. The little white lights looked lonely, with the Fontanini manger as her only company. So I grabbed the basket of ornaments, things we gathered from Tsaile, Riodoso, Phoenix, Oklahoma City, Atlanta, Logansport,Indianapolis, Lukachukai mountains, Steph's Nutcracker, the kids handmade snowmen and gingerbread ornaments, Justin's wooden duck and the turtle dove my mom gave me. With each ornament, the tree looked more and more like it belonged in our house, like Christmas was finally on it's way, pressing forward, pushing its joyful message even though we weren't ready.

It is good to have our things, good to have our dorky Christmas ornaments and funny bent wreaths to hang about. And it is good when the house and the heart finally feel like Christmas is on the way.

Scene's from Loner's Ridge

I feel like I get bogged down with pictures, but I want to post them of the critters - so here is the address for pictures galore. Okay, I have only posted a couple so far, but here is where they will go: Scenes from Loner's Ridge


You can see the new goats, Nellie, Sophie and Jenny and the new puppy, Maggie.

In other news, we got our first EGGS from the ducks this morning - picture posted there as well!

I don't know how to do this

This is not my "happy life" post for today, mostly cause not every day is happy - go figure - that one is next - skip this if you aren't in the mood for something less than happy.

My dad is back to seeing the oncologist - and he asked me to keep this quiet - but since none of his friends and only my family read this, I don't think I am divulging anything.

The cancer is back - and has come back with a vengence. His kidneys are stressed from all the chemo - and the other antibiotics he is taking for an opportunistic infection in his lungs.

The upshot is that he is sick. And I don't know how to react appropriately, I guess.
I cannot find a definitive guide about how to act around someone who is sick - other than what years of nursing experience have taught me - be available, be open to doing whatever a person needs, and don't treat people like they are invalids - treat them like you did before.

For the duration of this, I have tried to treat him as I would want to be treated. That made sense to me since we are similar in how we deal with things like being sick. The last thing I would want is people fussing over me, calling me every day to see how I was feeling. I would want conversation about good things - funny things- focusing on living.

I have not wanted to be a pain - and the last thing I want to do is stress him out because he is trying to help me feel better about this. You can't make something like cancer all better just by wishing it away - but you can give it power over your life by having it be the focus of every conversation. That is not healthy.

I would do the same things my folks have done, making sure my plot is paid for and my funeral arrangements are made so as not to leave that to the kids - that is a pragmatic Loner thing to do. They have done this, we have talked about it - I feel pretty comfortable about it - but I don't see the need to keep bringing it up to him - when he wants to talk about it he will bring it up.

So how do you cope with the unknown - do I act like he will die any day? I don't feel like we have a bunch of unfinished business to settle - like there are things left unsaid. I never have felt that way - we have talked openly for a very long time. So I guess that explains the lack of urgency - the reason I dont' feel like I need to call him every day to see how he is feeling - I know how he is feeling - he is tired, he is not sleeping, he is in pain - and I can't see where calling to remind him of this - and forcing him to recount this is any help.

I am sad, and I am afraid it will be difficult for him - but I am a Christian, and a Catholic and I know that Christ will take my dad to a place of peace and rest when his days are over. I'm in no hurry to give him up - but the truth is that if I really believe, I know that is the fate of a man like my dad on the other side.

So what am I to do? Quit my job and move back to Indiana? Go on medical leave so that I will be available to help run to appointments and decipher medical lingo? Call every day to check in? I just don't know what I am supposed to do to be the "good daughter" in this scenario. So for now I am just muddling through. Anyone with a how to guide is welcome to suggest one.

Maggie and the Gift of the Magi

Just like all good things, there was more to Maggie's story than we originally knew. Maggie came to us yesterday afternoon - and the sky was clear and the temperature was kind at 60+ degrees. She is not too sure about Matilda, but in time I think she'll be fine. As her family was getting ready to leave, Justin was sitting with Johnny on the porch - Maggie has decided Johnny was her master, and followed him right on the heels. Their story reminded me of teh Gift of the Magi, if you dont' remember it, here is a link.

Maggie was a gift to Johnny's son, Justin, from his fiance'. The fiance also had a poodle. When the gift was purchased it seemed like a great idea for them both to have a dog. But then life and reality took hold - they were just getting out of school, getting ready to be married and start their lives - and two pups and vet bills can be a real strain on finances when you are job hunting, so she decided she would rather have her fiance' than worry about vet bills, and put her beoved poodle up for adoption. He decided to do the same for Maggie. Johnny lives around other cattle farmers, so they had hoped to let Maggie come stay with his folks and then find somewhere close for her, but no luck. She adjusted quickly to farm life, sleeping outside with the other dogs, following Johnny around everywhere. Johnny thought about keeping her, but with the sacrifice Justin's fiance' made, that just didn't seem right.

So yesterday was the next chaper for them - letting Maggie go to a new house and freeing the college couple to begin their lives on more solid footing. It was tough on Johnny - who just sat on the porch saying his goodbyes while the women and I watched from the kitchen windows.

Maggie slept in with us last night, snuggled down in the comforter. As much as she was loved and valued - it was the least we could do to honor that.

Has it been two weeks?

Doesn't she just have the sweetest face? This is Maggie.

You may remember Matilda, who has revolutionized how we feel about dogs here. She is sweet tempered except for the occasional possum who finds himself on her bad side - she is very gentle with the other animals.

Just yesterday, while I was out working on the goat pen, readying it for the rain, Matilda snuck into the house, where I found her snuggled up with Kitten Bob and chewing Sheilas rawhide. Of course it was a picture moment, but I was without camera.

Anyway, Matilda needs a buddy - and ol' Sheila is not getting big fast enough, so Matlida has taken to roaming in the goat pen, trying to snuggle up with them, much to the goats' dismay. Enter Maggie - another Kelpie in need of a home, her owners are in school full time and cannot give her the attention she needs - so they contacted us. Still working out the details, but with her sweet face and experience of living on a farm already, she would be a welcome addition.

Winter wonderland

Our furnace went out the day before yesterday - the repairman is coming today.

The blessing of having an older house is that it was originally built with electric heaters in each room - which proved valuable in light of the freezing temperatures and lack of furnace.

I also hooked up the vent for the dryer - so that all that warm humid air would flow into the house and warm it up - it was tropical before bedtime.

Then the rain started, and the ice started accumulating.
About 5am I woke up, it was starting to get cold. I looked around to find pitch darkness - and thought we might have blown a fuse with all the electric heaters, then looking out my window I saw that everyone on the block had darkness. While I stood there at the window the lights came back on - like a magic wand had sprinkled white fireflies all over.

The drive into work was uneventful -and beautiful as the rising sun danced over the ice covered limbs. The roads were wet, but passable.

So we may not get a white christmas, but the iceglazed limbs were just phenomenal.

Do you believe?

I was reading Dear Abby this morning, and this little tidbit caught my eye. 'Tis the season - and in a couple of weeks we will be waiting patiently for Santa to come to the house and drop off our presents while we drive around and around the neighborhoods to see all the Christmas lights.

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old, and I have a question that has bothered me for months. Is Santa Claus a real person, and if not, why does everyone say he is? And if Santa Claus ISN'T real, where do all the letters go? -- CONFUSED IN KINGSTON, N.Y.

DEAR CONFUSED: Santa Claus is more than a human being. Santa Claus is the living symbol of selfless giving, handed down from one generation to the next. In 1897, a girl named Virginia asked the same question in a newspaper. A very wise newspaper editor, Frank Church, wrote in reply:
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. ... The most real things in the world are those which neither children nor men can see. ... Thank God, he (Santa Claus) lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now -- nay, 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood."
Letters to Santa Claus go where every other letter goes -- directly to the U.S. Postal Service, which makes sure the letters reach their destination regardless of "rain, hail, sleet or snow."

Read on for a testimony from a true believer:
DEAR ABBY: Yesterday afternoon, as I was opening my mail, I came across an envelope with my name and address printed on it, but no return address. I assumed it was junk mail that had been made to look like a Christmas card, but curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it.
Inside was a Christmas card. It was signed "Santa," and inside were five $100 bills!
I checked the postmark. It read, "Grand Rapids, Mich., Dec. 9." Abby, I don't know anyone in Grand Rapids.
I'm divorced. My ex-husband hasn't been helping me to support our children. Times have been hard. Obviously, the card was sent by someone who cares about us very much -- someone who went to great trouble to remain anonymous. The money was a blessing. An equally great blessing is the fact that my children had a chance to witness such an act of generosity and kindness.
I hope that Santa is reading your column today, because I want to say thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. I am grateful. -- STILL BELIEVES IN SANTA, HOUSTON

DEAR STILL BELIEVES: I'm printing your letter with the conviction that some kind of elf will ensure that it is delivered as far north as a reindeer can fly. A perceptive person once said that true generosity is doing something nice for someone without taking credit for it. However, your case is exceptional -- and how fitting of your benefactor, "Santa," to take a bow. I know readers of all ages will be as gratified as I was to read about his act of kindness in this, the season of giving.

In 1998 I was a single mom with three kids. Jacob's seizures and the medical workup related to them had forced me to give up working a lucrative night job in the ER to about half the salary as a public health nurse. Child support was sketchy at best and we were way past broke.

Christmas came, and Santa brought each of the kids a new coat, new socks and shoes, toys and a huge basket of food - nearly a week's worth. He also brought an envelope to help with medical bills - $500 from the people who worked for the county.

Do I believe - absolutely. There has never been any question that wherever there are people who are willing to give of themselves - help others in need - there is a Santa. The most real things in this world are those our eyes can never see...love, joy, peace

Uh - sorry 'bout that

I set up "comment moderation" - but forgot to key in my e-mail address - so I have no idea where the comments have gone for the past three days! URGH!

In other news, Monday night I let Bear trim my hair - and it looks good. I always hate getting my hair cut - always feels like too much has been taken off - but the color looks good and the cut is fine.

Pictures to follow...

Tidbits on another fabulous day

I came in right on time today - even after dropping off my daughter and acquiring a traditional chicken biscuit ( minus the biscuit) for breakfast.

I got the room set up for class - then -my insulin pump patient cancelled with the flu...

So I HAVE NO WORK TO DO!!!! I am all caught up - something that has not happened in about 8 months and now, be still my heart, I am headed home at noon to go hang Christmas lights.

I got a call from the Bone Marrow donation people - I had sent them an e-mail a few months ago to see if I could update my information - and they called me back to update my information. Side note here - if you have not registered with them, it is a simple blood test to determine you compatibility, I did mine at a time when I was donating my O negative blood anyway - and bone marrow can save someone's life, consider registering to be a donor.

Some mornings just rock

(See, all that baby and green chile and mesquite fire and good friends therapy worked!)

You know it is going to be a good day when :
1. you have new jewelry to wear
2. it is just barely cold enough for a jacket, so the white coat will suffice
3. your husband still finds you attractive even though no makeup has been applied
4. you accidentally remembered your pager
5. upon arriving home you realize you only have two more Christmas gifts to purchase
6. you check the bank and find that YOU HAVE PAID ALL YOUR BILLS AND STILL HAVE MONEY LEFT OVER!

What I've Learned

I've learned . . . that being kind is more important than being right.
I've learned . . . that when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned . . . that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow you may have to eat them.
I've learned . . . that I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do.

Courtesy of Andy Rooney

My friend pointed out to me that I am quick to forgive - that a person may hurt me over and over again and I forgive them. Sometimes this is a good thing, as harboring old debts eats up your soul. But sometimes, I forgive so quickly that the person is apt to hurt me again - and the repeated damage from getting hurt over and over again isn't too great for the soul either.

I have always been keenly aware of most of my faults - and after a rather rambunctious period in my twenties, I feel like I can understand a lot of "stupid" things people do - especially since I have made many of those mistakes myself.

I still struggle with finding that fine line between being forgiving and being a doormat.

face

Green Chile Therapy

Sitting last night on the heated porch of a restaurant in Bernalillo
The mesquite fire heating the air with a scent so delicious
The room felt like heaven with a bonfire and twinkling lights

Tequilla enriched margrita bothe salty and sweet
And the moon peaking through the cottonwood trees
My friends beside me, basking in their love dreamy-eyed

Fresh guacamole arrives with chunks of avacado, the color of spring
Red Chile encrusted ribs and savory green chile queso
Follow suit on a plate decorated with red and blue chips

The smell is intoxicating, taking me back to the Reservation
To a time when I was myself nearly all the time
No pretense, no worrying about what people think, peaceful

I think it is the mesquite smoke - which wafted from the nearby trailers
when the weather was cold and snow hung threatening in the air
That reminds me of mornings drinking coffee with my friends

Marveling at the intricacies of our lives

I feel better - finally - and realize that I have fallen
Back into my own trap, of holding in what I feel
Of suffering silently - of not asking enough of my family

I slept 10 hours Friday night - and aybe I'll get another 10 tonight
But more importantly, I have peace in my soul and
A plan to get my life back on track, following my instincts

I am going to away...

This afternoon Justin will drive me to the airport - where I will fly back to my other home out west - back to Albuquerque and mesas and sage and rabbit brush.

But most importantly, I'll get to see my girl Steph, her sweet husband Mark and the new bambini, Garnet. I still have baby-fever, though just a touch, and I can hardly wait to see them.

Just knowing that I will have a few days in the company of people I love - without my normal household chores -has covered me in a feeling of peace that I have lacked over the past couple of months. I hope to get to see a couple of my girlfriends, though so far it doesn't look like they will be able to make the trip out from Tsaile.

I never really thought about how blessed I am - I delivered all three kids without much trouble. Jake was a big guy - 10 1/2 pounds, but after a bit of oxygen, he did just fine. I did gain about 80 pounds after Jake was born, but had easy deliveries.

Steph has really struggled - and like a good mama, she took good care of her baby, preventing macrosomia ( ginormous baby in laymans terms) by diligently taking insulin multiple times a day. Then there was an emergency c-section and meconium staining despite her efforts. Several days of NICU later, Garnet is home and healthy and safe.

And though I never had that beautiful moment where I handed my baby over to the proud daddy and he said something sweet - like honey that was the most beautiful thing - or thank you for our baby - I do have the blessing of three happy and healthy kids - and now a man at home who loves them. And a person can scarcely ask for more of a blessing than that.

Wouldn't you like to be a quacker, too?

Justin took this shot a couple of weeks ago - I thought it was really beautiful - these are our ducks, several varieties of Indian Runners. The black ones are jsut starting to get their green highlighted feathers, and you can see the lovely tawny color of the chocolate hen in the very front. They are in their nighttime enclosure which has poultry wire across the top to keep out racoons and possums while they are sleeping.

Then in the background on the left, you can see Fred (or is that George) getting a drink - his fanny is right under the crossbar and Matilda is keeping watch, tongue lolling out, there at the door a kind of dogshaped grey mass.

A Day to Remember

Once upon a time there was a sneak attack on the US - oh wait, it has happened more than once. Each time we think it will never happen again, and yet it does. Today we remember those lost in Pearl Harbor and the 900+ men who were never found on that awful day.

Sometimes life throws us a sneak attack - sends us things we weren't prepared for - didn't expect and then, well, here we are.

Today is also my brother, Davey's birthday. And the whole idea of a sneak attack seems to relate.

He lives with Bipolar Disorder, a chemical imbalance that causes him to question most of his thought processes, his decisions and continue to live a life that has been disjointed at best. The demons of this imbalance attack without warning. One can be feeling well - then that feeling zooms ahead into mania - and the feelings of invincibilty cloud judgment. On the way back down, the body fails to stop at normal and spirals headlong into depression which cripples the ability to see any hope for the future - any point in trying again. This constant up and down cycle is exhausting at best - and for some people - it drains the very life from them.

When I was in Nursing school I worked at Wishard in downtown Indianapolis. People came right from the bus station to our Psych ICU unit and I saw all manner of things that mental illness can to do people. We used to joke that it was a good job because our return patients all came back loopy, but not dying. There were the blessings of clouded memories for people as the medications started to work and their brains returned to normal function. But my favorite folks were always those who were bipolar. Brilliant minds, racing thoughts - they were fun to work with, but the depression was just heartbreaking. We went to NAMI meetings to show our support and be with families trying to cope with something intangible.

Each day these folks, like my brother, struggle through. Sometimes it requires several medications to find not that works. Often times it requires therapy to learn how to cope with the mood swings. More importantly, it requires us to recognize that folks dealing with mental illness get up every day and deal with demons far worse than just a need for a cup of coffee. It takes courage to get through another day - it takes persistence to even dream of a better life - and it takes the wisdom to see hope and joy in the little things that go well.

So on Pearl Harbor day - I salute those of you who live through sneak attacks, and pause to remember those who were not able to make it through.

What are you some kind of rescue for wayward goats?

Well, as a matter of fact, I guess we are.

I have an ad in the agricultural newspaper that circulates throughout the state. I decided after losing the baby goats that I needed to do something a bit more altruistic with our land, and offered our number to anyone who had an animal in need of rescue. So far we have added two bunnies whose owner never came back for them, and received a call about three Nubian does who may be coming this weekend and a sick bunny - that we are still contemplating. On Saturday I got a call from a gal who adopted a baby goat - who now thinks he is a dog - and her husband is tired of the goat. She is afraid that he might end up going to a home where they would use him for food and since he is leash trained and very tame, she thought that would be a shame.

So last night it was freezing out - and had rained all day - but we made the 45 minute trip up to see her.

First thing, Chewie decided to stand on his rear legs and greet us, nipping at Justin's jeans looking for food. We knew he would be a good match. Lisa's daughter was heartbroken about giving the little guy away - so we told her to come visit anytime. She went inside before we left.

An hour and a half - and a pizza and hotwings later, this was the scene in my kitchen:



Chewie slept inside in a kennel - something he was not thrilled about. As I type this, Justin is introducing him to the other wethers in the yard. He was good therapy and I hope that he will help teach the other goats to be a bit more tame.

To compliment my fowl mood

Courtesy of Magz

GGGGRRRRRRR

For two nights in a row I have been awake at 4am
My house looks like an atom bomb went off
I had to deal with two grumpy sleep-deprived males this weekend
I spent my entire day Saturday and Sunday working and my body is sore
I need a nap and a vacation - instead I am booked up with patients all day.
I have a friend who isn't playing fair and keeps making little comments about other people's shortcomings while being totally incapable of seeing their own.
One phrase - work first, play later - why the hell don't people understand the importance of this?
I don't like feeling like this - sleep deprivation has taken over and I am hibernating for the day.

Winterizing

We have spent the past couple of weekends trying to get the house ready for winter - and just in time. The temps are steadily in the 30s now overnight - and it is a bit chilly in the air ( though this morning we were awakened to a thunderstorm - and it was only about 40 degrees out - weird.)

Anyway - there have been about 14 of the last 18 years where I was a single mom - just me and kids - and when that happens and you are a loner, you learn to fix stuff on your own.

So we have built a rabbit hutch, installed weather stripping, installed a new light,new ceiling fan in the kitchen, installed a heating duct into our floor - though the rest of the flooring still needs to be replaced from old water damage, installed a flapper in the toilet, and the coolest thing - pardon the pun - is the automatic thermostat. A new ceiling fan wiht a light awaits me - actually it is still out in teh van waiting for someone to carry it in.

I read Mother Earth News - unabashedly - and we went down the list of things we could do to save money over the winter - turn down the water heater, install weather stripping, put plastic over windows, open the shades on the windows that get sun during the day and get an automatic thermostat to save on heating during the day when the house is mostly empty - or at least all the inhabitants have either fur or feathers. The programming was a bit lengthy - but is seems like it is working well.

I have been cold nearly every day when i come home - and hate to crank hte heat up to 70 just to warm up. I hope this will help - the house was very obviously not built by people who have lived through week after week of freezing weather - only one door had weather stripping and there was no insulation over our bedroom at all. I was hoping to put another roll in the attic, but that will have to wait.

In other news, I am going to get to see Steph and baby Garnet next weekend - flying out on Thursday and staying through Sunday afternoon - and I am looking forward to a much needed break.

No one has called about the stray puppy - but we have two people interested in taking him home - he is a cute guy - but a whirling dirvish in the house.

Now I am off to fold laundry...

a Blast from the Past

Sometimes we make an indelible mark on another person's heart. A very long time ago I actually had a good boyfriend. He had a beautiful voice and a kind heart and was genuinely good to me. He took me to my junior prom- and we had a blast. I used to go to his family place by the lake to collect my thoughts in college - though retrospectively, I probably should have gone more often because I didn't do so hot in college. Somehow things got muddled and it didn't work out, though a couple of times over the years I talked to his folks to see how he was doing. He has always held a special place in my heart because even when things were not great between us, he remained a gentleman. I haven't talked to him since I got pregnant with Bear.

He called my dad a couple of days ago and got my e-mail address just because I was on his mind - how sweet is that?. I got pictures of him and pictures of his kids. Time has been much kinder to him than me, but living happily has it's perks. Same lineman build, same piercing blue eyes - that looking at the picture reminds me that Jake's are almost the same color. It is so wonderful to get to catch up - and even nicer to be able to say that I am happily married and things are finally going so well.

Isn't it just lovely when you get to see old friends...

Opinion Poll

Here are the facts:
Bears father was court ordered to pay me $32 a week in child support, back in 1988.
I have never requested an increase in this amount, even though every year the prosecutor's office allows me to do that.
He has only paid towards this debt when the courts seized his tax check
He has not provided one minute of child care, never come to visit, never sent a birthday or Christmas card.

He owes me close to 30,000 in back support - 17 years times $32 per week.
The prosecutor sent me a letter asking if I woudl accept a lump payment of $15,000 to pay off the debt.

More opinionated facts: I don't think he can get a loan for 15 grand to start with, and I know he is gainfuly employed because they are sending me his tax refund.

So here is the poll - what would you do? Take the settlement - demand more money - take him back to court - something else? Leave me a comment, please.