We should not create one set of victims to protect another set.

Back in August, I thought the moving home and starting over again was all going to be wonderful.
It has proven to be quite the challenge. We got some news in September, that what we thought would be a little problem, was going to change things dramatically.

You see, it's about Jake- my dear sweet son who wouldn't hurt a fly.  Over the years, I have written about dozens of his adventures and his trials.  But I didn't know that the worst one was yet to come.

About 2 years ago a police officer kept coming to the house asking to talk to him, but refusing to tell me what it was about.  Then after 5 months of this, he finally told me that a neighbor kid had accused Jake of molesting her.  No witnesses, no specific date, vague details. I was floored and hired an attorney. Because of the seizures, he isn't alone or without adult supervision, so the likelihood of this having happened is really slim.

The day I gave him the retainer and asked that he work something out with the officer to allay his fears, the lawyer was in a car accident. Unfortunately, the lady at his office thought we didn't need that information. Two weeks went by and I didn't hear anything from either the officer or the lawyer.

Then I got a call from the YDC nursing department saying that Jake had been arrested and that they needed his medications.

I think my heart stopped.
even writing it again it makes my heart stop.

He was charged as an adult, despite the fact that he was 15 when this allegedly happened and that his mental age is a couple years younger than that.  Without a witness, a date, or any collaboration, one person saying he did something without any corroboration or physical evidence had put Jake in jail.

I called the lawyers office, only to find that he had been in a car accident and had not been back to work - something I was not made aware of -  and had not called the officer.  Great, so the officer moved forward thinking that we were just ignoring him.  Not good.

I had to scramble to find another lawyer and work to get Jake released.
The guilt was overwhelming.  While this is not normal stuff to deal with, I thought I should have been able to protect him from this.  I didn't sleep, I forgot to eat and I felt like a zombie version of myself.  It wasn't good for either of us.  Jake looked awful and there was a darkness in his eyes that I had never seen before.

On his 17th birthday,  still being held without a bail agreement, they sent him to the adult county lockup. He was strip searched and put into the showers with a dozen other grown men.  I cannot begin to tell you how difficult it is to forgive the people who did this to him - but I have to.

Our lawyer was able to get a bond agreement, but it eliminated his ability to do anything social- no youth group, no going to school, nothing where he might be around anyone under 16.

Keep in mind, that the prosecution still only has one witness and then, in the police report, there are three other conflicting testimonies of hearing about the incident.
These people were supposed to be our friends - they are our backyard neighbors, their kids played at my house - and yet, they went to the police first and NEVER said anything to me about this.

So in this county, if someone is convicted of child molestation there is a mandatory 25 year sentence. No early parole, no negotiation, just the sentence in prison.

We talked at length to our lawyer - then to be sure, talked to four other lawyers who handled these types of cases - all said the same thing: that there was absolutely no way they take these to trial and the the accused has to agree to a plea deal.  Jake would be going to jail despite the fact that he is innocent and did not have a fair trial.

Frankly, even if it wasn't my son we were talking about, I'd tell you that was bullshit.
I have friends, dear friends, who have suffered at the hands of a sexual molester - I know what it can do to someone.  But to condone this witchhunt where people are forced to go to jail without evidence - just on one person's word  - is perilous at best.  It is a sad commentary on where we are as a society that this is just accepted by the legal system. I was told by a prominent lawyer that "there is no movement to change the way this works."

And on the the real question: On October 10th, Jake agreed to a plea deal that would allow him to serve his time in a youth detention center - a Juvenile center, not prison.  He could be there for up to 2 years. And he didn't do this. He spent his 18th birthday in jail and without family.

His attitude is good - we had a long time to prepare for this possibility and he is looking at it like military school.  He is back in classes which the bond agreement denied him - and despite the kids and the problems that brought them there - he has found some guys to buddy up with and for the most part, it has been a reasonable experience for him. After a year of being surrounded by just his immediate family, he was ready for some socialization that didn't include us. Oh, and the food is good. For a guy who is 6'4" 270# that is a good thing. We are able to go see him twice a week and he is able to call at least once a week.  We are sending letters and I have had a number of friends send them as well.

To be honest, I know that God will make this situation work out for the good for Jake.  His heart is in the right place and he expressed more worry about how I am doing than about himself. He is a strong kid, he does well with structure and he is still allowed to contact his family - and we know he is innocent.

What I don't know is if there is a way to protect other families from what happened to us.  This happened over a month ago and I am just now able to write about it.  What forced me to make this public, though, is that the parole officer I talked to, who only handles kids who have been accused of molestation, said that this happens all the time - that it only takes on person with a convincing story to put some kid in jail. That just is not right.

But the bottom line is: protecting our kids should not mean that we allow a miscarraige of justice - how do we teach our children that the law is to be respected and that the justice system works when people are railroaded through like this?

Fairy Tales

You know what I just realized this weekend after watching yet another fairy tale- Snow White and the Huntsman? In fairy tales, the hero - or heroine - EXPECT to go through adversity and then when they get to the happily ever after part, they don't sign up to see a counselor or have "issues" because the big bad wolf swallowed their grandmother. They are sad, they mourn the loss of whatever it is they lost, and they move forward.
Those heroes get on with their lives and move past it - leaving history where it belongs - safely behind them and the future securely ahead of them.

The adversity makes them stronger - tests their resolve, steels theit will.  But it doesn't break them, even when it seems hopeless.

I seem to be having a lot of conversations these days with people who are letting the demons and monsters of their past trials still impact who they are today - allowing fear to dominate their lives rather than hope. If you are going to continue to let those monsters rule your life, then why escape from them in the first place?

We have had our share of adversity - but I will not let it define my future.